I Dream of You

Heart pain. Exhausted. Tired. I dream of you last night. It was a beautiful dream. Remember my last post I told I was drunk and I message you. I dream that you actually replied through MSN. But sadly you turned down my request. My request was would you give me 5 mins of your time today to let me say a proper goodbye to you.

I was just hoping to be given a change, just ONE chance to hug and say goodbye to you. In the dream, we were still chatting, and suddenly you ask me this question : Would you like to go to Batu Caves ? and you continue by saying this rainy weather its very nice to see the rainbow together from there. I was shocked as I can be. I answered you straight away without second thoughts YES. After that, I was jolted from my sleep & from the dream. I cried non stop. I tried to sleep back to get back into the dreams. But I cant. I just cant. I tried so hard.

Its just A DREAM. And here I am back to reality you're gone. I only have myself.

When I first step into this relationship, I told myself you're going to be different from others. You're going to treat me well. If things is not happening, you will work it out somehow. This is how much I trust you. Maybe sometimes the way I acted towards you show likewise. Maybe I'm not good at expressing myself. Nobody knows. How much you meant to me. Before, now & future. No one would ever understand. 101 friends & family told me to forget about you. If I would to explain they wont understand. Even up to now, I still believe that you're a different person from the others that I have known. If you could remember, last time every time I would wonder and I can't believe that you're actually my boyfriend. To me, you're special.

Now that you're not longer mine to embrace and open for others. Please do let me know if you ever meet someone much better than me. I would give you my blessings. I believe that love is all about sacrificing & hoping that the other party is happy. As long as you're happy everything about me doesn't matter. I'm just a lonely puppy. You deserve someone much better than me.

For you, I will treasure all those past memories.

P/S : I'm sorry that I love you....

Fourth Day Without You

Headache headache headache. Had too much of booze. Always thought that being drunk can make me forget everything. But one thing I learn today is that when I'm drunk I become more sad & tend to do stupid things like messaging you. Its actually more than four days without you cause its pass 12am now.Went to Brugge, Uptown Avenue just now.

Just to have a look at that place.

I know you'll be going there after your Christmas eve church celebration. You wanted to see the live band. I hope you enjoy it. Guess what I ordered ? Your favorite. I think. I was tempted to take 2 pint.

1 pint of Hoegaarden..

Its kinda heartbreaking going to places where you have been before. Can't see you there physical. Only can visualize you being there and your scent that you left behind. There are so many places that you went before and I usually will ask you this question : When will you bring me ? Its has become my FAQ to you. Tomorrow I have plans too. Going to the Lei Cha @ Rasah Village that you say very nice with one of my bestie. Hopefully I will have a great experience there. Its Boxing Day today !!! Happy Boxing day dear... & Merry Christmas too. Have a blessed and wonderful Christmas. Signing off for today. I'm wasted.

For you, I'm alive.

P/S : I'm sorry that I love you....

Third Day Without You

Its hard. Never easy. Today is the third day without you. Not a single message. Not a single hello. How are you ? I wonder. I roughly still know what are your plans till this coming 26th December 2010. After that I will totally lost touch with you. Only wondering every minute what are you doing & where will you be. Its time to flash back some memories again.

The first thing that came into my mind when I wrote the topic as third day without you was the 2 emails you send to me when I was away for my Phuket trip. Each and every time if I ever read back those emails I would cry. The meanings are so deep that I thought it would last forever.

Do you remember all the movies we watched together ? If I'm not mistaken every single ticket is still with you. Do you still have it with you ? Or you have tossed it into the dustbin. Just wondering.

Red Box Karaoke, Gardens. Does this place ring any bells? We went there for the first & last time. Had the whole room all by ourselves. Singing all the song we love & eating the buffet. I remember we went out to take the food so many times. And I extremely love the tuna sandwich. I was so touched the moment you went to the car and took my jacket because I was so cold. From that moment, I love you more.

Listening to the song sang by you titled ''Take me home country road'. I thank god for having this mp3 because I can hear your voice again. When will you sing a song for me ? Only me.

This is a handmade card by you on our anniversary leaves the deepest memories in my heart. I hoped and pray you would remember what you wrote. If you don't, here is the content :-

Dear, 15 Aug is a very memorable day for me. Today is 15th Sept marks another month together. I hope we can have not just months but years to be with each other. I love you.

-xxxxxx-

This is the best gift you ever gave. NO wait. The best gift you ever gave me was the feeling of being loved by you. I blame myself for your sudden change of feelings.

What else have we gone through ? Is that all we have ? I remember we had more than what I just listed. Oh yes... I remember...

Our very first time clubbing together... Its at G6, Gardens... Its one awesome night. Remember the rest of the night we spent time chatting in the car ? Remember how you got jealous of my friend... You was so worried about me. But I was happy cause you're worried. Unlike now, you don't care anymore. Its fading away you say.....

Today we had plans. Or more like I have plans for us. We were supposed to watch movie together and have early Christmas dinner at MOVIDA. And I was supposed to give you your Christmas present. I got a friend to pass the gift to you. I hope you like it.

For you, I'm smiling.

P/S : I'm sorry that I love you....

Minutes, Days, Months, Years Without You

Today marks the second day without you and still counting. Not counting till the day you will return. But counting how long will you be away from me. Have you forgotten all the memories & quality times that we spent together or have you not? All those are priceless memories I treasured deep inside. No money can ever buy what memories you gave to me.

MEMORIES WE HAVE

My picture taken by you secretly during our sunset cruise in Kuching. Our very first trip, before you said Can You Be My Girlfriend ? Have you forgotten ? Continued with a photo of my first & only sunset with you.

Can you remember this ? Our second trip together in a month with my bunch of friends. To Langkawi we went. In case you forgot, its the crocodile farm.

Not only that, I was being a small kid. So you got me these two balls. We put coins and turned. Called this egg. And we were so lucky, we got 1 green & 1 blue. Our favorite color each.

And this ? Our very first para sailing. It was so high up. Although I feel scared but I know everything will be alright because you are there.

How about this ? Does it bring back memories ? Its lantern festival !! I over enjoyed it.

And this ? You cooked for me. It taste as delicious as it looks. Will I ever ever have the chance to eat again ?

And this ?? I asked you to wear. You were reluctant at first. But then for me you just wore. I know. Are you still wearing it now ? Yes I am.

We went to The Curve and you bought this for me to make me happy. I was over excited. Wished the balloon could last.

I bet you can remember this. I hope so. Snowflakes @ Kota Damansara. I just had today but I can't finish. Wasted.Now I know why we used to share 1 bowl last time.

Just to share. This is all the memories I have. I know we have ALOT ALOT more. For example, our anniversary in Genting Highlands, 21 October 2010 Birthday Celebration, Terry Fox 2010, World Walking Day and our most recent one is Malacca trip. Sad to say all the pictures are in your camera. For this trips all I have are memories. Below is the last present you gave to me. Its a Christmas present. Thank you. I really love it.

Pink logitech wireless mouse. Love it !

Thank you for accepting my Christmas present & our so called anniversary present that I made for you. The stars was very very difficult to fold. If ever we were to meet again I only want to say this to you :-

I'M SORRY THAT I LOVE YOU

I wanna grow old with you

Another day
Without your smile
Another day just passes by
But now I know
How much it means
For you to stay
Right here with me

The time we spent apart will make our love fade
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing everything you do

A thousand miles between us now
It causes me to wonder how

L.O.V.E

Memorable
Everlasting
Love
Virtue
Imagination
Notable

Warm
Outgoing
Nice
Good

Kind
Intelligent
Numb

Meaningful
Unique
Noble

I cry

You said goodbye
I fell apart
I fell from all we had
To I never knew
I needed you so bad

You need to let things go
I know, you told me so
I've been through hell
To break the spell

Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling
I once knew

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry
Cause you're not here with me
I cry
Cause I'm lonely as can be

If you could see me now
You would know just how
How hard I try
Not to wonder why

I wish I could believe in something new
Oh please somebody tell me it's not true
I'll never be over you

Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling
I once knew

If I could have you back tomorrow
If I could lose the pain and sorrow
I would do just anything
To make you see
You still love me

Fragile Heart

A fragile heart was broken before
I don't think it could endure another pain
But there's a voice from deep inside of you
That's calling out to make you realize

That this new bond gives inspiration
To all who feel no love appeal no more
So how can I break this wall around you
That's aiding both our hearts to grow in pain

So forget your past, and we can dream tomorrow
Save our hearts for card and lovin too
It's hard I know, but oh
One thing for sure
Don't go and break this fragile heart

A hurting mind in need of emotion
I don't think I could endure another pain
But baby in you, I've found affection
Affection I have never felt before

So don't let your past destroy what comes tomorrow
Don't go and break my fragile heart

With all this fire that burns between us
There's so much to lose
Yet so much more to gain
And if I could, choose the world around me
The world I'd choose would all revolve around you
So help me complete the game inside me
And help to mend my fragile heart